Put the Money in the Bag, We Will Be There in 5

We start out with a story about two idiots that decided to rob a bank. The first idiot said he would drive the car. The second, who I guess is lazy, decided to call ahead and tell the bank to hurry up and bag up all the money because they were on their way to rob them.

Police arrested 27-year-old Albert Bailey and an unidentified 16-year-old boy on robbery and threatening charges Tuesday afternoon at a People’s United Bank branch in Fairfield Connecticut.

I’m sure you have already guessed the ending to this story, but here is how it ended just in case you have not. The two suspects showed up at the bank about 10 minutes after making the phone call, only to be met by police and taken into custody. Just goes to show, some people are just not the sharpest knifes in the drawer.

He Broke into the Jail

There is a story coming your way from Miami Florida where a man has been sentenced to 15 years in prison after he tried to break into the Brevard County Detention Center.

25 year old Sylvester Jiles had recently been released from jail following a manslaughter conviction. He feared for his life because he believed family members of the manslaughter victim was out to get him.

Therefore, he attempted to break back into the jail where he thought he would be safe. Most of the time you hear of people trying to break out of jail, not in.

For Sale: Stolen Merchandise

News coming your way today from Kennewick, Washington, where a 17-year old burglar shows us just how stupid some people really are. This 17-year-old kid broke into Bella Office Furniture and then hung out on the property for roughly 5 hours. While enjoy his breaking and entering, he decided to hop on the store’s computer and look at some porn, and, of course, he had to check for notifications on his Myspace and Facebook pages. He even listed some of the stolen items to the World Wide Web as items for sale. Too bad for him, the cops checked the history on the computers and his login information sent the cops right to him.

The name of the 17 year old could not be released, yet he is charged with first degree burglary.

Detour To Heaven!!!

A New York man’s journey to the Pearly Gates was held up in New York City’s impound lot. Parking Police had a van towed for being parked illegally. The only problem was that the van was carrying a body. The van was parked outside Redden’s Funeral Home and was supposed transport the body to Newark for a flight.

When the driver of the van came back to where the van had been left, he thought someone had stolen the van with the cargo inside. It was not until 90 minutes later that he found out that it had been towed to an impound lot.

New York City waived the $185 release fee.

That’s Not the Bugs Bunny I Remembered!!!!

Children in North Carolina are confused today. They are trying to figure out why someone would change the image of Bugs Bunny into a pink bunny. Even more so, they are curious as to why grown women were in compromised positions and saying things that they cannot understand. The children are asking these questions because Time Warner Cable screwed up in a very huge way.

“Young viewers of children’s television programs in North Carolina got a glimpse of something far more risque than their favorite cartoons, when a cable glitch broadcast two hours of the Playboy channel,” stated Yahoo.com.

“Due to a technical malfunction, some adult programs had been diverted on children’s networks,” Time Warner Cable vice president of public relations Alex Dudley told AFP on Wednesday.

“We sincerely apologize.”

The glitch happened between 6:15 and 8:15am on Tuesday on what was supposed to be the Kids on Demand and Preschool on Demand channels.

Time Warner Cable reported that parents had called in to complain and brought the problem to their attention.

Baby, is that you? NO!!!

A cold and drunk man broke into a Pittsburgh home Wednesday morning after being out all night drinking following a Jay-Z concert. It appears that at 5:30 a.m. a 33-year old male broke into the house and then climbed into the bed, unaware that he would be in the bed with the owner of the house.

The owner of the house, Frank Fontana, was not alarmed at first, because he thought it was a lady friend of his who had an extra set of keys to his house. It wasn’t until he asked if she was doing alright and heard a deep rusty voice say “No,” that he became alarmed. He claims he jumped out of the bed and grabbed a baseball bat and held the drunken man until police arrived.

The 33-year-old man faces a preliminary hearing on charges of criminal mischief and criminal trespass.

Well, This Doesn’t Smell Like Gas!!!

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home recently, he got much more than he had bargained for. Police caught a man next to a motor home trying to steal

gasoline. However, he had plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. I wonder if he figured out why it did not taste like gas.

Ronald McDonald Arrested For Pot

Police arrested Ronald McDonald, not the clown from McDonalds, but rather a real life person for possession of marijuana and allowing others to use drugs at his residence on Sunday.

According to police, officers responded to the 44-year-old’s residence after receiving a report of a suspicious odor. Outside McDonald’s residence, officers could smell a strong odor of marijuana coming from the residence.

This story would have been funny if it would have been Ronald McDonald the clown. Then we would have known what the Hamburglar was always after.

He Was Not Relieved After All.

A man from Montesano, Washington is dead after a freak accident. “Grays Harbor County sheriff’s Deputy Dave Pimentel said Monday 50-year-old Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday and called a relative to pull his car from a ditch.”

After family members arrived, they found him dead at the scene with his pants undone.

Apparently 50-year-old Roy Messenger needed to relieve himself and did so by urinating into the roadside ditch. The only problem was that when he hit the power pole, he had caused the live power line to fall into the ditch, which he urinated into. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body. Electrocution was the cause of death.

I Guess He Showed Them!!!

An Ohio man bulldozed his $350,000 home to keep a bank from foreclosing on it. Terry Hoskins was tired of dealing with the bank and the IRS. The IRS had placed liens on his carpet store and commercial property and the bank claimed his house as collateral.

Hoskins owed $160,000 on the house. After hiring attorneys and arguing back and forth between both sides, Hoskins decided to get the last word so he bulldozed the house.

As of today, no charges are pending.

I Guess He Showed Them Too!!!

A teacher from Cliff, New Mexico taped over the wrong tape when he recorded a program off the history channel about the 1919 Treaty of Versailles.

He had left the video for his students to view with a substitute teacher whom was overseeing the class.

In the middle of the viewing, the program about the 1919 Treaty stopped, and porn began. Turns out the teacher had taped over one of his most prized possessions.

The Superintendent Dick Pool (what a great name) will not disclose if any action was taken against the teacher.

Being Kicked To The Curb In The Digital World!!!

With the help of Web 2.0 applications such as Facebook and MySpace, digital dumping is on the rise.

“Over one third of 2,000 people polled (34 percent) said they had ended a relationship by email, 13 percent had changed their status on Facebook without telling their partners and six percent had released the news unilaterally on Twitter” (Yahoo.com).

Yet, only two percent had broken up by text message.

“The rest had split up the old-fashioned way by face-to-face conversation (38 percent) and by telephone (eight percent)” (Yahoo.com).